


@pbparker

by fromstarttofin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Flash Thompson Redemption, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious Peter Parker, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Lives, Twitter, because fuck you thats why, my main motivation for this fic was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21911134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromstarttofin/pseuds/fromstarttofin
Summary: peter parker @pbparkermr stark just walked in on me laying on the floor, took one look at me, sighed, and then left. i think i broke him lol> Tony Stark @iamironmanYou worry me constantly.> peter parker @pbparkermr stark i’m just a gen z don’t worry about it
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 76
Kudos: 1422
Collections: The Adventures of Spiderling and Friends, escapism (to forget that the world is a burning hellscape)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so!! Im not really sure what the time line of this is lol??? I just kinda. Wrote it. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> PS, big shoutout to my friends on the parkner discord for helping me out with this one !! <3

peter parker

**@pbparker**

bro i am just vibing 

34 following | 238 followers 

peter parker **@pbparker**

mr stark just walked in on me laying on the floor, took one look at me, sighed, and then left. i think i broke him lol 

> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

You worry me constantly. 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

mr stark i’m just a gen z don’t worry about it 

> ned **@gitc**

Bro what is your life 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

idk man. this is pepper potts’ world and i am just living in it 

>>> mj **@michellejones**

correct. 

> h keener **@potatogunkid**

**@iamironman** who is this kid?? i thought we had a connection :(

>> Tony Stark 

Harley??? 

>>> h keener **@potatogunkid**

lol yeah hi tony 

E! News **@enews**

Does Tony Stark have a secret lovechild? Read here: insertrandomlink.com

> peter parker **@pbparker**

why does the word ‘lovechild’ make me wanna gag 

MTV NEWS **@MTVNEWS**

Tony Stark and Mystery Teens break Twitter with new tweets! 

The Daily Bugle **@thedailybugle**

Who is “Peter Parker”, and can we trust him? [ https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ ](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)

peter parker

**@pbparker**

can we get an f in the chat 

38 following | 42.7k followers 

peter parker **@pbparker**

alright lads we holding a press conference on tomorrow at 2pm stay tuned 

>Tony Stark **@iamironman**

You are the bane of my existence. 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

muah muah 

> h keener **@potatogunkid**

am i invited? 

>> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

Why would you be invited? You live in the middle of buttfuck Tennessee. 

>>> h keener **@potatogunkid**

your words wound me tony. but luck is on your side! i’m in new york :) 

iMessages

Tony Stark > Problem Child 

Are you actually in New York? 

yessir

well. almost, my flight is tomorrow night so

Not that I’m not ecstatic to be reunited with

you, but why? 

mama sent me off here for school. 

something about how rose hill 

wasn’t good enough for me. so, 

here i am. miss me?

Damn, kid. Why don’t you stop by the 

tower? Maybe we can sort out a deal - 

you be my intern and stay here with us? 

tony idk if i could. i dont wanna be a bother 

Please, Harley. Humour me. After 

everything you did for me? You could never

be a bother. 

.. well,, if youre sure, i suppose i wouldn’t mind

I’ll send Happy to go pick you up when you

get here. 

thank you tony. seriously 

Don’t sweat it, kid. 

peter parker **@pbparker**

@potatogunchild hello sir i have,, several questions????

> h keener **@potatogunkid**

shoot, darlin’ 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

how do u kno mr stark?????? 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

i take it back that was my only question 

>>> h keener **@potatogunkid**

when tony here got stranded out in the middle of tennessee after his house was blown to bits with the whole mandarin business, he broke into my garage and i shot him with a potato gun. i was 11. we lost contact after he went back to ny 

>>>> peter parker **@pbparker**

please believe me when i say I Have No Idea How To Respond To That

>>>> peter parker **@pbparker**

OH WAIT i think mr stark mentioned u??????

>>>>> h keener **@potatogunkid**

aw tony talks about me? i’m touched

Twitter Messages

peter parker > h keener 

yo sorry to bother u but i figured (aside from

morgan) we’re mr starks only kiddos 

‘kiddos’? and don’t worry about it, darlin

yeah ! like mr starks unofficial kids 

ahh okay, makes sense

btw, can i ask you a bit about that? 

within reason ! (aka what i’m allowed to say 

before the press conference) fire away 

how do you and tony know each other? 

im his personal intern :) 

and .. what does being his personal intern 

mean? like, job wise

basically i go wherever he goes, help him 

with his projects, all that jazz 

shit darlin, never met anyone else that tony

allowed in his lab

ahah, ive been told its an honor :P

mmhm 

so how long have u n tony been doing

this little shindig?

well he showed up in my living room 

when i was 14, so about 2 years 

i’m sorry,, he did what now?

lmao right??? apparently he heard of me 

n my projects n shit somehow and looked 

me up and then boom. one tony stark in 

my living room eating my aunt may’s cookies

and offering me up an internship 

that just about matches up to how i met tony,

damn. so,, as his personal intern, how would u

react to say,,, someone else sharing the position

with u?

!!!!!!!!! holy shit dude are you coming to work

at si???

just about looks that way

holy fuck!!!!!!! dude!!! this is gonna be awesome

we’re gonna have so much fun omg 

i’m glad you think so :) 

alright i’ve gotta go to bed or mr stark will 

Eat Me, so goodnight harley!! I’m rlly excited 

to work with u <3 

me too pete, sweet dreams

h keener **@potatogunkid**

911 ive fallen and i cant get up 

> abbie **@thebetterkeener**

Why are you like this every time you text a cute boy? Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. 

>> h keener **@potatogunkid**

how did you know?? The Fuck? also?? smh loser as if you aren't the same every time a girl in flannel and doc martens is within a five mile radius of your disaster gay ass

>>> abbie **@thebetterkeener**

I just know you. & you’re obvious as hell, I’d be surprised if he didn’t know you’ve been mooning over him too 

>>>> h keener **@potatogunkid**

abbie i stg stop exposing me 

>>>>> abbie **@thebetterkeener**

never >:) 

peter parker 

**@pbparker**

can we get an f in the chat

39 following | 563.4k followers 

  
  


Tony Stark 

**@iamironman**

Billionaire. Husband. Father. Philanthropist. 

13 following | 12.8M followers

peter parker **@pbparker**

what i was expecting when i woke up: 

  * to study for my finals 
  * to eat some captain crunch 
  * for mr stark to brief me on the press conference



what i was not expecting when i woke up: 

  * 500 ??? thousand ??? followers ??????????



> peter parker **@pbparker**

seriously where did yall come from ?? this time yesterday i had like 200 im so lost 

> noah **@thisbitchempty**

Dude, before Tony followed you, he was only following 12 other people. Plus, he’s literally been all but inactive the last few months until yesterday 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

LMAO i completely forgot about that thank u 

> peter parker **@pbparker**

aight now that i’ve been refreshed on yesterday’s Events, imma go eat breakfast and study!! thank u all for being so nice <3

Peter closed Twitter and got out of bed. After everyone recovered from the snap, May and Peter had decided that it would be best for them to stay in the newly bought back Stark Tower. So far, it had just been him, May, Pepper, Mr Stark, and the wonderful ball of joy that was Morgan.

He wasn’t doing much today until the conference, so he decided to leave his room pajama-clad. That decision was evidently a mistake: Earth’s mightiest heroes had made themselves at home in his living room. 

“Uhh.. Hi?” He managed to get out. Could anyone blame him for being tongue tied? There he was, in Hello Kitty pajamas and a shirt that read _‘I survived my trip to NYC’_ , standing barefoot in front of the Avengers, bar a few exceptions. And yeah, sure, he’d fought alongside them during what the world had dubbed the Infinity War, but that was different - he was doing that as Spider-Man, the vigilante, not Peter Parker, intern to Tony Stark. They didn’t know his secret identity, what he spent his free time doing. 

A few murmured greetings returned his, and from what Peter could tell, they seemed to be as shocked as he was. 

“I’m just gonna, uh, get myself some breakfast. Yeah,” he spoke softly, awkwardly shuffling into the kitchen attached to the living room. He did his best to ignore the eyes boring holes in the back of his skull while he poured his cereal. Thankfully, he was saved from having to make that decision as Mr Stark arrived onto the floor via elevator, covered in grease and eye bags deep under his eyes. 

“Underoos! How’s my favourite spider child?” He crowed. Peter stared back at him with wide eyes. 

“Mr Stark? We have some, uh…” Peter cleared his throat uncomfortably, voice cracking painfully, “Visitors.”

Tony whirled around, wide eyed, to stare at those inhabiting his living room. “Oh! You’re early!”

“Hey Tones,” Rhodes was the first one to speak. “I’ve missed you.” Then, he crossed the distance to catch his Platypus in a hug, meeting each other halfway. Then, once their arms were interlocked, “The fuck do you mean ‘spider child’, huh?” 

“Oh fuck,” Tony whispered, releasing Rhodes from his hug. Turning to his mentor/son-figure/intern, he says “Well, now’s as good as a time as any, right?” 

“Mr Stark, what --” Peter was mid-bite, clearly not ready for whatever Tony was planning. 

“Avengers, meet Spider-Man, AKA, Peter Parker. Peter, meet the Avengers,” he declared, giving a wide gesture to Peter. There was a brief moment of silence before all hell broke loose. 

“Oh my _God_ , I threw an airport terminal at a 12 year old?” 

“Tony, is this your kid?” 

“Wait, did you guys seriously not know?”

“This is the kid that caught my arm?” 

Peter took a breath before rapidfire answering their questions. “Yes, you did throw an airport terminal at me, but I was 15, not 12, thank you very much --” Steve made a wounded noise, like that did not at all help him, “I’m not Mr Stark’s kid - at least I don’t think I am,” Tony interjected with a soft _I should hope not_ , “I’m not really surprised Ms Black Widow knew because c’mon, she’s a literal spy, you guys, and yes, Sergeant Barnes Winter Soldier, sir, I did catch your arm, it was surprisingly light,” pausing to let out a large exhale, “Is that all?” 

Distantly, Peter could acknowledge that at least half of them looked mildly impressed and he could pat himself on the back for that, but he was mostly focused on the other half, switching between Tony and Peter, giving them looks like they had each grown a second head. 

“I know what you guys are thinking. But Pete’s enhanced, and before he met me, he was still doing his spidey-thing, but a hell of a lot unsafer. Under my supervision, at least, I can make sure that he’s less likely to do shit that puts his life in danger. The kid can stop a bus with his bare hands, he can’t just quit being enhanced. Being Spidey is a part of him, just like being an Avenger is apart of any of us,” Tony ended up saying. He knew what they were thinking. When he first realized it was a 15 year old kid under those glorified pajamas, he nearly shit himself. At least now, he could actually do his spidey-business somewhat safely. 

“..Alright,” Steve sighed, looking mildly appeased, “You mentioned he’s enhanced? What does that mean for him?” 

Tony gestured for Peter to take over, signalling for his contribution of the sudden Q&A to begin. “Well, uh, okay so - Like two - or seven? - years ago, I was on a field trip to a place called Oscorp? Anyways there were these, like, radioactive spiders, and one of those little shits bit me, and then I got really sick, but it’s fine! Because I don’t need glasses anymore which is pretty cool, they were really annoying, but I kinda miss the aesthetic, yknow?” Tony looked a little desperate for him to get back on track, so he did, because Peter was nice like that. 

“Okay, right, it like cured any perceived weaknesses? It’s kinda similar to the super serum, but like, spider edition. I can heal really fast, I can stick to things, I’m super super strong, I’ve got really good reflexes and I’m pretty agile. I’ve also got super hearing. Oh, and uh, this thing called my spidey-senses? My aunt keeps calling it my ‘Peter-Tingle’ but I have vetoed that. It alerts me to any danger. All in all, not that bad, I think,” he finished, lamely, and continued to eat his now somewhat soggy Captain Crunch. 

“Well, this has been fun, but I’m starved. Who wants breakfast?” Tony asked, and to no one’s surprise, he was met with a chorus of agreements from those scattered across the room. 

  
  
  
  


peter parker **@pbparker**

mr stark can actually cook u guys??? i dont know what to do with this information 

> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

Damn it kid, I was tryna keep a low profile. If people find out I’m a functional human being, they’ll start relying on me for things. 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

sorry mr stark!! but ur omelettes were so good the world had to know 

Cherry **@ismellikebeef**

I’ve only known peter parker for 5 minutes but if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself 

> h keener **@potatogunkid**

retweet

>> abbie **@thebetterkeener**

iM So sHoCkeD 

> mj **@michellejones**

retweet 

> ned **@gitc**

Retweet 

> Abe **@abebrown**

Retweet

> cindy moon **@moonandback**

retweet

> charles **@cmurphy**

Retweet

> flash **@fastestmanalive**

...retweet

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

im sorry what????? i must be jared, 19, 

> sally **@avrillavigne**

retweet

> betty **@brantbaby**

Retweet 

> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

Retweet. 

>> peter parker **@pbparker**

mr stark no!!!!!! not you too!!!!!!!

mj **@michellejones**

pepper potts: breathes 

me:

[Oprah mother I never had sister everybody would want gif](https://tenor.com/view/oprah-winfrey-mother-sister-admiration-hero-gif-13454974)

> peter parker **@pbparker**

as someone who lives with pepper, i never get tired of her she’s so great 

>> jennie **@bbqsauce**

I’m sorry you WHAT ???

>>> peter parker **@pbparker**

OH NO MR STARK I MESSED UP 

>>>> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

It’s always something with you, huh? Don’t worry about it. We’ll get this sorted out during the press conference. 

peter parker **@pbparker**

press conference is a go in like 5 minutes!! i’m so nervous but also kind of excited?? There are so many people :OO 

Tony stood awkwardly in front of a stand with a singular microphone attached. He looked like he didn’t want to be there. Behind and at his sides were Peter and Pepper, the latter looking antsy and the former looking too calm and collected for what Peter felt the situation called for. The room was buzzing, excited reporters at the ready with cameras and microphones at their side. 

A brief tap of the microphone from Tony slowly drew the crowd’s attention back to the front, and with a small smile, Tony began to speak.

“Hi, it’s good to see you all. And I can say that honestly this time, because I haven’t done anything stupid.. yet,” he said, earning a few laughs from the audience. 

“Today we’re here to talk about this young man,” Tony said, gesturing to Peter who gave a small wave, “and why I’ve suddenly started to interact with him on social media. The short of it all is that he’s my intern, and his name is Peter Benjamin Parker. He’s seventeen. And I could leave it at that, tell you that he’s a mini-me and his intellect almost outdoes mine and that’s how he got this position, which is correct, but it’s -- he’s -- so much more than that,” Tony was now smiling outwardly, glancing every now and then to his side. The press was silent, hanging on to every word that came out of Tony’s mouth. 

“At first, he might’ve just been my intern, but now, I’m proud to say that I think of this kid as a son. We’ve grown incredibly close over the past couple years, after every thing, which is why today, we aren’t just introducing him as Peter, personal intern to Tony Stark, but as Peter Parker-Stark, heir to my company.” 

The room erupted into noise, reporters nearly knocking over their chairs in attempts to get a question in. 

“That’ll be all, we won’t be answering any questions,” Pepper said, as Tony led Peter out of the room with a supportive hand on his shoulder. 

  
  
  


peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

tis wednesday, my dudes 

39 following | 2.3M followers 

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

haha told u so flash 

> ned **@gitc**

PETER SJDFWFJE

> flash **@fastestmanalive**

I'm honestly feeling very attacked rn 

> h keener **@potatogunkid**

ur doing amazing 

Amelia !! **@mrbubs**

So let me get this right .. Tony Stark met a 14 year old kid and was so impressed with his smarts that he basically adopted him and made him the heir to his company? I’m- 

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

he didn’t ‘basically’ adopt me, he did lol,, he shares guardianship over me along with pepper and my aunt may 

>> Amelia !! **@mrbubs**

How?? Did you find this tweet???? 

>>> peter parker-stark **@** **pbparkerstark**

suddenly i cant read . i dont know 

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

now that i can actively talk abt the bs that goes down in stark tower do u guys want me to livetweet it or smth 

Yes 97%

No 3%

> h keener **@potatogunkid**

please peter i beg of u the world needs to know how chaotic the avengers are 

>> peter parker **@pbparkerstark**

will do !! <3 

h keener **@potatogunkid**

guys im,,,,,,, so gay ohmtgof 

> abbie **@thebetterkeener**

I did not let u move to ny just to watch you pine over twitter’s white boy of the month.

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

mr stark is exhausted and i can tell because he just asked dum-e for a smoothie and then actually drank it 

> Kaitlyn Meyers **@thisbitchempty**

,, Why is that indicative of him being tired? 

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

dum-e (mr stark’s robot child), god bless his heart, tries his best to make smoothies but often ends up adding motor oil or bolts into the mix 

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

i’ve only had the avengers living in my house for a day but omg i’m so happy this is so cool 11 year old me would be shaking in my boots 

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

clint is such a dad its the best thing in my entire life. anytime i do something “cOncErNiNg” he looks at me with the eyes of a man who has seen too much ,,,, and whenever he’s annoyed he just,, takes out his hearing-aids 

>> ben **@benthebi**

Omg wait Hawkeye is hearing impaired???

>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

lmao yeah?? hes rlly open about it im surprised u didnt know 

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

apparently this isnt common knowledge but?? the avengers are disabled . whether its physical disabilities or mental illness they’ve all got weaknesses - they’re human (..mostly).

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

mr stark has ptsd. bucky is an amputee. clint is deaf. before the serum, cap had chronic asthma and scoliosis. to one degree or another, they’re all mentally ill. 

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

moral of the story: fuck your ableism.

> Pepper Potts **@SICEO**

I say this in the most loving way possible, but you are a PR nightmare. 

Lizzie **@ZenBear**

Peter Parker-Stark really snapped huh 

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

i do my best :)

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

omg u guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!! harley moves into the tower tomorrow omg omg omg im so excited 

> h keener @potatogunkid 

[jvn omg its totally fine why am I crying gif ](https://tenor.com/view/oh-my-god-its-totally-fine-why-am-icrying-omg-crying-gif-14584157)

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

!!!!!! what’s wrong??? 

> abbie **@thebetterkeener**

Look at what you did, peter. You broke him. 

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

what’d i do??? heLp

h keener **@potatogunkid**

in other news, i’m a raging homosexual

> abbie **@thebetterkeener**

We been knew 

Twitter Messaging

peter parker-stark > h keener 

r u okay?? 

yeah darlin, im fine, why? 

everyone keeps saying i broke u 

and i got worried 

nonono im fine! just excited to move

into the tower :)

oh that’s good!! and i am too!! we’re 

gonna be neighbours :D 

heck yeah we are

oh speaking of u moving in!! have u

thought about school? i mean idk much 

but from what mr stark has told me, you’d

be perfect for midtown

midtown?

mmhm, it’s my school :p midtown school 

of science and technology

oooh sounds snazzy, i’ll have to bring

it up with tony 

it would be so so awesome if u came, my

friends would absolutely adore u

mmhm, whatever you say

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

ahh okok i gotta go to bed but!! goodnight all u beautiful people i hope u sleep well <3

Peter turned off his phone, cued FRIDAY to play his white noise playlist, and drifted off to sleep. 

  
  
  


When he woke up, it was to the smell of bacon being cooked, luring him out of his room in, yes, his Hello Kitty pajama pants. Clearly those things were cursed, because sitting at the breakfast table was the prettiest boy Peter had ever seen. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, and then hightailed it back to his room to change. Hopefully, pretty-boy hadn’t noticed him. Then, returning in much more acceptable sweats and a too-large shirt that read _‘my chemistry puns barely get a reaction’_ , he took a seat next to him and decided to introduce himself. 

“Hi, uh, I’m Peter Parker,” he said, piling his plate high with bacon, eggs, and waffles that were being cooked by Bruce Freaking Banner himself. 

“Oh, darlin’, I know who you are,” Pretty-Boy drawled, and then Peter paused. 

_...Darlin’?_

Peter took a second before he blinked owlishly, spoke softly, “Harley?” And, oh God, if this was the boy he was supposed to be living with, going to school with, and working with, he was pretty sure he was going to just about die. 

Harley broke into a grin, “That’s me!” and if Peter didn’t want to crawl up into a hole and die before, he did now, because now that he was actually looking at Harley, he noticed his freckles and his blue eyes and if Peter just leaned in a little bit his lips could connect to those and-- nope, no, not going down with that train of thought. 

Then, as soon as Peter was thinking of replying, a flash of pink came down the hall and before he knew it, he was being tackled into a hug by his pseudo-sister as she yelled his name. 

“Momo! How’re you, baby?” Peter asked reverently, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. And then, all at once, she noticed the other boy there and seemed to shy herself away - trying to hide behind Peter as she looked up at Harley with wide eyes. 

“Aw, come on, none of that,” Peter said as he pulled the girl onto his lap. “I know you’re not shy, Morgs. This is Harley.” Peter was laughing slightly as he sat her onto one of his thighs and bumped it up and down, making any words she said come out bumpy as well. 

“Hi Harley, I’m Morgan,” she said, still being jostled around. Then, Peter noticed Harley was quiet, his air of confidence somewhat shifted - softer now.

“Hey, pumpkin. Your dad’s told me all about you,” he spoke. “Can’t wait to be your friend.” At this, Morgan’s ears perked up. 

“Really?” She asked him. 

“Mmhm! Me ‘n Pete here were just getting breakfast, wanna join us?” 

Morgan hastily agreed, asking her Uncle Bruce if her waffles could be made with chocolate chips, pretty please. Slowly, the amount of waffles and fixings on the table rose as different avengers made their way to the communal floor. Once Tony came up, he greeted both Morgan and Peter with a sleepy kiss to their heads, and hugged Harley from behind, murmuring a small “Welcome home, kiddo,” into his ear. Harley turned around and stood up to give Tony a proper hug, burying his face into his neck. 

“Missed you,” he said. 

“I know Harles, me too.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for abandoning u all for so long but like. writing this is so Hard bc I have so many ideas but I can't make them flow but I wanna create content and it's. urghhhhh 
> 
> anyways have this it's not very good and isn't as long but I hope u enjoy anyways 
> 
> ps I stole the Steve quote from steve-rogers-is-a-saint on tumblr!! I also get a whole bunch of inspiration from other fics askhdsjbdf

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

@Hulk thank you for making breakfast!! <3

[photo attached: clearly taken from Peter’s perspective, capturing the Avengers in a candid moment. You can see the wisps of long brown hair at the bottom of the picture. Harley is half hidden to the right. May, Natasha, Tony, Steve, Bucky, Wanda, and Clint are all eating and in the middle of their own conversations. Pepper is standing above Tony, arms resting on his shoulders, looking down fondly. Bruce is in the background, engaging in the main conversation with a spatula in his hand and wearing an apron that says “I’m not saying I’m the Hulk, but you won’t like me when I’m angry!”. May and Natasha are in the midst of a conversation. No one seems to notice the camera.]

> Bruce Banner **@Hulk**

Pleasure was all mine, kiddo :)

> Falcon **@SamWilson**

I am offended that I’m not in this picture

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

yeah well. u stole my pancakes. sucks to suck ig

>>> Falcon **@SamWilson**

Oh I’m sorry for not realizing that giant stack of pancakes was for one person. Seriously kid, jeez

>>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

>:P

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

oh my god i have school tomorrow

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

Speaking of which!! **@iamironman** can harley transfer to midtown?

>> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

1) It’s already happening, 2) you just leaked your school, kiddo.

>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

honestly knowing the internet ppl were probably already trying to figure it out so,,,,,,,, besides, i know you’d never let anything happen to me, dad

peter parker-stark @pbparkerstark

N E ways harley is coming to my school!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so pumped

> mj @michellejones

hm.

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

oh no why are u ‘hm’ing

>>> mj @michellejones

no reason.

>>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

press (X) to doubt

h keener **@potatogunkid**

we have taken the living room hostage. there shall be no survivors

[photo attached: Peter, Morgan, Harley, and Wanda all sitting inside a somewhat cramped but otherwise spacious pillow fort. Morgan has her back to the camera, head on Peter’s shoulder, so that her face can’t be seen. It’s lined with fairy lights and looks to be very well made.]

> J **@jackharbour**

Did somebody say #IronFam?

>> Arc **@arcangelonesbit**

Yes omg!! #ironfam all the way!!!!!

> Lizzie **@ZenBear**

I’m so here for the #IronFam :)

> teinei pasuteru **@coffeeman**

Awww, we can’t see Morgan’s face :((

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

hi!! sorry about that! it’s just that morgan is like. babey rn and can’t actually consent to having her face posted anywhere & we’d like to spare her from the media for as long as possible :)

>>> teinei pasuteru **@coffeeman**

Ohhh, okay! That makes a lot of sense. Thank u!!

>>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

no problem!! :D

Tony Stark **@iamironman**

Anyone caught taking photos and/or sharing such photos of my daughter - a minor - will face the full force of my legal team.

[Quote tweet:  
peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**  
hi!! sorry about that! it’s just that morgan is like. babey rn and can’t actually consent to having her face posted anywhere & we’d like to spare her from the media for as long as possible :)]

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

hm,, well in lighter news: i’ve been thinking of convincing the rest of the avengers to like,, actively use their twitter accounts?? and also get thor to make one but i have to delete all my thirst tweets abt him before that

> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

I’m sorry, what thirst tweets?

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

hahahaha whaaaat what’s a thirst tweet i’m a child of the lord haha

>>> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

“peter parker @pbparker, june 11th, 2016: thor could crush me with his thighs and i’d thank him”

>>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

DGKDJFHASDSFG DAD NO

>>>>> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

The Dad Card won’t save you now, kid.

>>>>>> Iron Patriot **@ColonelRhodes**

You say as though you didn’t just tear up.

>>>>>>> Tony Stark **@pbparkerstark**

BETRAYAL.

> Kellan **@sleeeeeeep**

Peter thirsting after Thor is a mood and a half

> May Parker **@auntmay**

I remember your Thor phase! You had such a big crush on him, it was so cute.

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

aunt may,, no,,, please,, no more,,

>>> h keener @ **potatogunkid**

no aunt may, please give us more, i beg of you

May Parker **@auntmay**

You all asked, and so you shall receive. Here’s a thread of Peter’s, in my humble opinion, best moments.

> May Parker **@auntmay**

Fun fact: Peter’s first word was not momma or daddy or anything of the sort, but was actually “dick”. It was never proven, but his mother and I had theories that his dad and my husband coached him into saying it.

> May Parker **@auntmay**

Peter has always idolized the avengers. Every single one of them (but mostly Tony, honestly). But when he learned that the Hulk was also a really cool science nerd just like him (his words, not mine), he went through a BIG Bruce Banner phase. I don’t think he ever really left it.

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

alright im not ashamed of that one uncle bruce is the coolest

>>> Tony Stark **@iamironman**

Brucie is crying.

> May Parker **@auntmay**

When Peter was about 11 or 12, he was assembling a computer made of scraps he found around town but he accidentally messed something up and the entire thing exploded in his face.  
[photo attached: a young peter stares down at his hands with comically wide eyes. his hair is blown away from his face, and like the rest of him, is covered in soot. there are scattered pieces of metal and wire surrounding him.]

> May Parker **@auntmay**

Last year, Peter wanted to “test” how much caffeine he could handle and chugged an unholy amount of coffee, 5-hour energy, and redbull. About an hour after he went into cardiac arrest. He’s still grounded.

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

it was FINALS i was sleep deprived and stressed,, i was not making good decisions :(

> May Parker **@auntmay**

Okay, last one: about a week after my husband died, Peter stayed up with me because I couldn’t sleep without Ben at my side. In the morning he made me breakfast, just how Ben used to, and cried with me. He has always been and always will be my rock.

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

:,)) i larb you, may

>>> May Parker **@auntmay**

You too, kiddo <3

rani **@anteater**

This just in: Peter Parker is way more wholesome yet disastrous than any of us expected.

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

oh always

Kaleb **@ittssKB**

Oh my gOD wait **@pbparkerstark** are you the kid who’s been walking around the r&d floor???

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

lol yeah, why ??

>> Kaleb **@ittssKB**

Okay it sounds rlly stupid now but,, the other interns and I have been like. Lowkey terrified of you for the longest time

>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

im pissing myself are u serious

>>>> Kaleb **@ittssKB**

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Yeah

Kaleb **@ittssKB**

Ok @ all the ppl shading me 4 being scared of Peter: you try working in a cutthroat workplace known for being demanding and unforgiving and having this like ?? 12 year old?? Walk around pulling pranks on tony stark HIMSELF and not getting in shit

> Kaleb **@ittssKB**

Like. he would walk in, steal some supplies, Leave, and then the next day we’d hear abt how Stark’s personal lab was blocked by super-strong spider webs. We were so afraid. He was like mothman

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

HGDFGKSDK omg i’m so sorry pfft tony had pissed me off that day so i altered spider-man’s web formula so that it wouldn’t dissolve for like,, a day,,, sorry for not explaining anything i was very mission focused

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

also im not 12 im 17 :( i have been cursed with Baby Face …

>>> h keener **@potatogunkid**

it is a very good face

>>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

:D thank u harles

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

steve just turned to me out of nowhere and said “ppl always ask me how i manage the team. the secret is: i don’t. i have no control over them whatsoever. this morning, bucky called my name, and when i showed up to see what was going on, sam shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.”

>> Steve Rogers **@CaptainAmerica**

Stop exposing me, kid.

>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

all due respect mr rogers, you exposed urself. but yay!! ur using twitter!!!!

> Pascal **@ahhHhHHHHH**

Steve stans are losing their shit at this PFFFT

> Jasper **@haveagoodday**

Watch the daily bugle use this as ammo against the avengers

The daily Bugle **@thedailybugle**

Can we trust Cap’s leadership? New tweets say otherwise! Read here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YWl7tDGUPA&list=PLFsQleAWXsj_4yDeebiIADdH5FMayBiJo&index=3&t=0s

> Jasper **@haveagoodday**  
CALLED IT

> Lizzie **@ZenBear**

Fuck the Daily Bugle shoutout to the avengers for literally coninuously sacrificing their lives for us AND saving the entire fucking universe

>> The Avengers **@AvengersOfficial**

Your support means the world (hah) to us <3

>> ethan **@fuckyou**

Dunno why I always see people riding the Avengers dicks … they do more damage than they solve SMH. Especially Stark, y’all say “eat the rich” and then go fuck off to praise Stark like he’s your god.

>>> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

that’s where you’re wrong, fucko.

>>>> ned **@gitc**

Oh no he’s using proper grammar and punctuation, he’s Mad

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

 **@fuckyou** from the brief look i’ve had at your profile, i can see that you were also one of the people who got snapped. welcome to the club :) in saying that, you would literally not be fucking alive right now, hating on the avengers, without them.

> peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

 **@fuckyou** the avengers could have moved on, tried to rebuild society, but instead they (read: TONY) *invented time travel* and in doing so saved *trillions* of lives. i’m not even gonna touch on the fact that you hate him for being rich, because i felt like i’ve achieved enough.

peter parker-stark **@pbparkerstark**

anyways i love my dad and will fight anyone for him. goodnight to tony stark and tony stark only

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on a second chapter but I accidentally made it too plotty so :,) I got hit w a lil bit of writing block lol. Pls give me comments and kudos I crave validation


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